Monday, December 2, 2013

No One Remembers Achmed

TWISTED

No One Remembers Achmed



Lyrics: Kaley McMahon
Music: A.J. Holmes






  
Sung by: Joe Walker,
Jim Povolo, Lauren Lopez, Robert Manion,
Alex Paul, Meredith Stepien, Denise Donovan,
Jaime Lyn Beatty, Jeff Blim, Nick Gage.
(STM) Meredith Stepien

   Characters:  Achmed,
Soldier1, Soldier2, Soldier3, 
Soldiers1&2, Soldiers, all.


 iTunes / Amazon / Sheet 
   
LYRICS:

In your homeland you're a legend
All the people know your name
On the battlefield and off you are superior

I know.
In the kingdom though I'm finding
that my only claim to fame
is an incident involving my posterior

Posterior

Please. I've won scores of bloody wars
and mopped the floors with my foes,
but no one remembers Achmed.

I've eviscerated peasants
from their heads down to their toes,
but no one remembers Achmed.

Say my name in these parts
And you'll get a vacant stare,
until you mention tigers,
or spotted underwear!

Spotted underwear!

So to restore my rebut
as a fierce fearsome brute,
there's only one route I see.
Arrange the slaughter of millions,
of innocent civilians,
then they'll remember me!

(...)

Caked in mud or drenched in blood
You smell as fresh as a flower. 
I know
But no one remembers Achmed

You can pleasure 60 concubines
In on-ly an hour! 
Less!
But no one remembers Achmed

Back home I was a hero,
ladies trembled when I spoke.
But here the women treat me
like a throwaway joke

Throw him away

I'm a god on earth but darnit
even deities incarnate
now and then can feel
a little insecure

Insecure

All I want is some affection.
These rejections are almost
too much to endure

To endure, look at all he must endure

(...)

You ooze sex when you flex
those impeccable pecs

But the princess rejects me still
She may not love me yet,
but I'm willing to bet
that once I kill all her people
she will!

Yes she will, yes she absolutely will!
Then laugh, that's just fine,
but the last laugh will be mine

Cause they can't laugh when they're all dead.
I'll make them all regret
the day they chose to forget

What's that name everyone?

Tiger-fucker!

No! Like I said,
What's that name?

You're the cock of the walk,
with abs as hard as a rock.
Nevermore will they mock you Achmed!

He fucked a tiger!
 I did not fuck a tiger!

They'll remember Achmed!
They'll remember Achmed!
They'll remember Achmed!

They'll remember me!

Tiger fucker!
Tiger fucker!
Achmed is a tiger fucker!
They'll remember Achmed as the tiger fucking man!

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