No One Remembers Achmed

TWISTED

No One Remembers Achmed

Lyrics: Kaley McMahon

Music: A.J. Holmes

  

Sung by: Joe Walker,

Jim Povolo, Lauren Lopez, Robert Manion,

Alex Paul, Meredith Stepien, Denise Donovan,
Jaime Lyn Beatty, Jeff Blim, Nick Gage.
(STM) Meredith Stepien

   Characters:  Achmed,

Soldier1, Soldier2, Soldier3, 
Soldiers1&2, Soldiers, all.

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LYRICS:

In your homeland you're a legend

All the people know your name

On the battlefield and off you are superior

I know.

In the kingdom though I'm finding

that my only claim to fame

is an incident involving my posterior

Posterior

Please. I've won scores of bloody wars

and mopped the floors with my foes,

but no one remembers Achmed.

I've eviscerated peasants

from their heads down to their toes,

but no one remembers Achmed.

Say my name in these parts

And you'll get a vacant stare,

until you mention tigers,

or spotted underwear!

Spotted underwear!

So to restore my rebut

as a fierce fearsome brute,

there's only one route I see.

Arrange the slaughter of millions,

of innocent civilians,

then they'll remember me!

(...)

Caked in mud or drenched in blood

You smell as fresh as a flower. 
I know

But no one remembers Achmed

You can pleasure 60 concubines
In on-ly an hour! 
Less!

But no one remembers Achmed

Back home I was a hero,

ladies trembled when I spoke.

But here the women treat me

like a throwaway joke

Throw him away

I'm a god on earth but darnit

even deities incarnate

now and then can feel

a little insecure

Insecure

All I want is some affection.

These rejections are almost

too much to endure

To endure, look at all he must endure

(...)

You ooze sex when you flex

those impeccable pecs

But the princess rejects me still

She may not love me yet,

but I'm willing to bet

that once I kill all her people

she will!

Yes she will, yes she absolutely will!

Then laugh, that's just fine,

but the last laugh will be mine

Cause they can't laugh when they're all dead.

I'll make them all regret

the day they chose to forget

What's that name everyone?

Tiger-fucker!

No! Like I said,

What's that name?

You're the cock of the walk,

with abs as hard as a rock.

Nevermore will they mock you Achmed!

He fucked a tiger!

 I did not fuck a tiger!

They'll remember Achmed!

They'll remember Achmed!

They'll remember Achmed!

They'll remember me!

Tiger fucker!

Tiger fucker!

Achmed is a tiger fucker!

They'll remember Achmed as the tiger fucking man!